Treading Water

Now that I know I am not attending graduate school in the fall, my time is being spent much the same way it was prior to learning this, though now I have added searching for jobs to my small repertoire of afternoon activities. Seeking employment takes up a significant amount of time, but I can only do so much researching and applying each week before I run out of jobs to apply for, leaving me with little else to do but wait. Reading, knitting, and doing art are fun activities for me, but I have moved from frantically checking my email to learn of my status with UW to frantically checking my email to hear any responses from potential employers. Sam and I are financially stable right now (this will change in a couple of months when my student loans from Antioch move into repayment), so this is not the reason I am antsy to get a job. For the most part, I just want to be working rather than spending my afternoons at home. Furthermore, I want to be working in a position that moves me closer to goal of becoming a social worker.

For many people, periods of stress trigger a desire to diet or in some other way control the size of their bodies. I, like most, find myself falling prey to this pointless, self-defeating goal, especially since my future has been up in the air. Though I understand that the body dissatisfaction I have been feeling has nothing to do with my appearance and everything to do with my fears about how my future may or may not turn out, it is nevertheless tormenting me. It makes doing my art, knitting, or reading extremely difficult to focus on. I am simply too anxious about my body to take pleasure in activities I typically enjoy.

Despite my self-consciousness about my body, I am very excited to visit the Bay Area with a good friend of mine this weekend. The weather should be nicer than it is here and we will be occupied for the majority of the weekend. I hope I can keep myself busy until them so that I can be fully present for the fun we will be having.