A Dirty Word? Notes on Abortion

Abortion has long been a hot-bed issue for America, with debates between opposing sides resulting in little, if any, change in the beliefs of either party. While pro-lifers hold fast to the belief that abortion denies babies their right to life, pro-choicers believe that abortion gives women the right to control their bodies - namely, their ability to have or not to have a child. While I am pro-choice, I believe that this pro-choice argument only scratches the surface regarding the importance of having the right to abortion. Women should have the right to control their bodies, but this argument does not delineate why this is so important.

Having the ability to control one's body and whether or not - or when - it bears a child is crucial because the ability to do so affects the life of the mother. If abortion was not an option for women, women would be forced into the role of mother against their will or before they had hoped to become a mother. From the moment a child is born, the mother and, hopefully, the father, will have to focus their lives almost completely on that child if that child is to grow up healthy and emotionally stable. For this reason, being able to choose when and if women have children gives women the chance to control a their entire future. For this reason, the argument that being able to control one's body is a necessary right must be understood from the perspective that having control over one's body directly affects the rest of one's life.

Being able to control when and if a woman has a child also affects the life of the child in question. As mentioned, if a child is to mature into a happy, well-adjusted adult, he or she requires a great deal of love and care from his or her parent(s). If that child was born against his or her mother's will, it is likely that this mother would have the motivation to provide as much devotion to the child as would be required. This is not to say that women who want abortions are unloving, but having a child is labor. For some, it is a labor of love because that child was desired. For other, it is simply labor, because that child was not wanted.

In response to this argument, pro-lifers might say that women with unwanted children can place their child up for adoption. But who is to say that this child will find a loving home? Having experience in the field of foster care and adoption, it is not easy to find a good home for all children and not all children will find a home. And for those who are adopted, many feel a strong desire to understand why they were placed up for adoption and feel a sense of loss for their biological parents. Is it fair to saddle children with this burden so early in life?

This is why, when I hear arguments such as those from Nevada Republican Senate candidate, Sharron Angle, that abortion is wrong because conception, no matter what the circumstances, is part of "God's plan," infuriate me. For some people, having children is a wonderful experience that is long awaited. For others, an unexpected pregnancy can completely alter their lives in ways they never dreamed of or in ways they had dreaded. For the child subjected to a life led as a man or woman's regret, they have been set up for a life of deep despair. It is not fair to either the unwanted child or to the parents to which he or she was born. For the sakes of the lives of those involved, women should be able to control their bodies.

There are many other reasons why I believe abortion should be a woman's right, and these are often covered in the media. I wanted to touch on the argument about a woman's right to a future she has planned for, however, because it is often overlooked. As a woman with plans of her own, I hope that should I ever become unexpectedly pregnant, I will still have the ability to choose the path for myself - and for that child - that is right for both of us.

My Niche

If I wasn't sure that social work was the field for me, my new job has more than assured me that it is. Working as a residential counselor has been challenging, but the challenge is something I am very interested in facing. I work in a program that houses children coming from abusive and neglectful homes and, due to their traumatic upbringings, have learned few, if any, effective coping skills. As a result, it is the job of residential counselors, staffed at the home 24-7, to help these kids learn new, more effective coping mechanisms. This may not sound very difficult, but when children are acting out in any number of ways to what may seem like to many a situation with a simple solution, this can be an extremely trying process.

And, just as accounting is not the right profession for everyone, residential counselor work is not for everyone either. And I happen to find it extremely rewarding. Although I won't be seeing immediate changes in these kids' behavior, it is helps me to know that the work I am doing now will help them in the long run, even if only in a small way. I have had many jobs in my (short) lifetime, but none have energized me and left me feeling satisfied like this one does. After hearing suggestions that the kids' treatment teams are making regarding how we should be working with these kids, I have learned that I employed some of these tactics on my own, prior to their advisement. Knowing this makes me feel like I have finally found my niche. Though I thought this is what I wanted all along, finally engaging in this kind of work and feeling successful in it solidifies for me what I had long hoped would be my career. It just feels right. I know that I still have a great deal to learn in this position, and more broadly, in the field of social work, but I am really excited to be dipping my feet in this kind of work!

Body Image and Advocacy

As some of you may know, Australia has enacted a new code of conduct that promotes positive body image among young people. With the help of the government, Australia will fund an organization that provides training and workshops to improve self-esteem and body image, and will create a reward system for companies who develop body-friendly advertisements. In addition, they plan to implement a "body image friendly" symbol that is to be placed on advertisements that promote positive body image.


Unfortunately, the United States does not have this type of initiative, but we can still work together to improve and promote positive body image. There are many ways that Jane and John Q. Public can make their voices heard. When we see advertisements, whether positive or problematic, we can write letters to the companies that developed them and letters to the editor of publications that printed them. We can even use our own "body image friendly" (or not-so-friendly) symbols by placing stickers on articles or advertisements that promote positive or negative body image like those that The Renfrew Center Foundation developed. In fact, we can even create our own stickers by purchasing blank stickers from office supply stores, writing quick and easy-to-read messages of praise or (constructive) criticism on them, and placing them where we see fit.


The main goal is to make your voice heard. Yes, corporations have an incredible amount of power of the images and words we are exposed to and it might not feel like a letter written from "little old me" will make a difference, but it does! That's how the National Eating Disorders Association got FX to pull their show Starved - by writing letters and working with the show's major advertisers to cut funding. And, if nothing else, doesn't it make you feel better to talk back to negative messages you've been receiving?

Potential

This past month has been pleasantly hectic. After struggling for nearly six months to keep myself occupied, my efforts have finally become fruitful. While I would like to blame someone else for my boredom this year, I think I am the main culprit. I simply focused too much on reaching goals I thought I should achieve, rather than balancing these aims with things I wanted to do. Now that I am starting to even out my focus, I am finding more enjoyment in my life.

My concentration on doing things I should do instead of those that I want to do began ages ago. While in high school, I spent my time studying and choosing to partake in activities that would improve my likelihood of getting into college. Though not all of these activities were boring or of little interest to me, many were and I found little enjoyment in them. In college, I followed suit as I tried to prepare my resume for the working world and took jobs that led me to a "good" job. Though these decisions were all good in the sense that getting a college degree and a satisfying job greatly improve one's level of security, they kept me from viewing life as an opportunity for enjoyment and not just work. It is not that I did not know how to enjoy my life, it was that I ignored these desires in favor of what I thought success meant.

This pattern of ignoring my desires became second-nature to me and soon it became hard to even recognize what I wanted out of life. When I looked toward my future, all I saw was item and after boring item on a never-ending list of to-do's. No wonder I was depressed. Now that I am finally realizing that this is a major reason for my unhappiness over the years, I am trying to re-establish a relationship with myself so that I can create a life that is a healthy balance of wants and should's. This is how I got myself to take ice-skating lessons for the first time as a 24-year-old. I am also reigniting my passion for travel, art, and dancing. The list of things I hope to do and try is getting longer by the day and, for the first time, completing this list of to-do's is gratifying.

It isn't easy to change my way of thinking and sometimes, when I feel anxious because I can't discern what I want to do from what I think I should do, I revert to my list of should's. One thing I am realizing is that doing nothing is what scares me, so when I feel worried because I don't know what to do, in favor of doing nothing and being unproductive, I grasp at anything I can think of to fill my time and this is usually something I "should" do because this way of thinking is still so natural to me. I am trying to remind myself that when I feel scared or uncomfortable, this is not cause for alarm, but is rather a signal that I need to be thinking about what I want and what is best for me at that moment. I need to stop looking at my anxiousness as a state of limbo and begin seeing it as a state of potential in which I can do many things and, if I let myself think for awhile, I will find what it is I am looking for. So, here's to introspection!

Sunshine

Whenever the sun comes out, I feel like a completely different person. I am happier and feel lighter - as if a giant burden has been lifted from my back. For anyone that lives in Seattle, at least those of you who don't particularly like the gray, rainy weather that is so abundant here, this probably rings true for you. As soon as the sun starts shining, everyone here is friendlier and the world seems to be on your side. Since the sun has arrived here the last few days, my disposition has brightened and I find life less complicated.

The weather is not the only factor affecting my mood lately, though. I have also been working on changing my perspective on life. For so long, I have tried to meet some arbitrary societal standard - of beauty, happiness, professional status, everything really - and living life this way has left me miserable. I constantly dream of transporting myself somewhere, anywhere but here, thinking that something as simple as a change of scenery would make me satisfied with my life. I read Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert (as if you didn't know!), and became even more obsessed with the idea of leaving home for a new and fantastic lang. But, having traveled to Europe more than once, I knew that leaving home did not make my problems disappear. I recall sitting in a Parisian cafe sipping a cafe au lait and nibbling on an eclair, feeling like I had a personal cloud following me wherever I went and raining atop my very unhappy head. I never thought anyone could be sad in such a magnificent city, but it is possible. So, though I still long to travel, I reel myself back in from unchecked daydreams with the understanding that, in order to truly be happy, I have to learn to live with myself and - gasp! - be happy with that person, right where she is. 

Knowing this, however, is completely different from actively working toward enjoying myself and my life as it is. I recently watched the film The Women (a remake of a 1930's film about women coming into their own) and decided to follow in the steps of Meg Ryan's character and make my own "vision board." I hesitate to write "vision board" because it conjures up images of The Secret and I think, on some level, that is a bull shit theory that discounts all personal will. I do, however, think that if you have reminders on a poster of the things - or states of being - you want, you are more likely to work toward them because the board is a constant reminder of what you want and that you should pursue these goals. So, last week, I made my first "vision board" and pasted pictures and words detailing the things I want. 

My board is rather sparse at the moment, but it does contain meaningful things that I hope to achieve. Having created this visual reminder of my desires (and having placed it next to my vanity mirror so I can refresh my memory every morning before work), I have found myself looking at life very differently. It helps me focus more on creating a life that is meaningful to me, rather than one that is meaningful to others in my life or to greater society. It has been incredible seeing how different a simple outlook change can affect my mood. It has only been a week, but I feel immensely more satisfied with my life than I had been before.

This is not to say that pasting pictures and words on a board will "fix" my life once and for all. I am sure, just as the sun comes and goes in Seattle, my current satisfied state-of-mind will fade and re-emerge. But this board is a good step toward a more satisfying life and I intend to keep it around for awhile, weather or not the weather cooperates.

Death

I have encountered death and dying throughout my life, but none of these encounters have ever taught me how to deal with grief. Though I have been affected by all of the deaths that have occurred throughout my life, I have never felt the deep sense of grief that others in my life experienced upon hearing of these deaths. I was more impacted by the sadness my loved ones felt during these difficult times than by the passing of those I had known. And though I did feel some sort of loss during these periods of grief, I did not know how to offer support to those in my life who were feeling much deeper sadness. 


When faced with the sorrow death causes, it is my instinct to try and "fix" the problem, but clearly, in these instances, this is not the appropriate response. So instead, I hug and kiss, listen and try to empathize. But offering this kind of support leaves me feeling helpless because my support does not make the grief my friends and family feel "go away." I am left feeling like a bad friend and a bad person. Moreover, I feel selfish for worrying about how I feel about myself at such times, rather than grieving for the lost person.


I bring all of this up because Sam's lifelong childhood friend is dying. It is hard to watch Sam so upset and feel incapable of helping him feel any better. Moreover, though I don't know his friend very well, I don't understand why I do not feel more upset. I understand the gravity of the situation, but I just don't feel attached to the sadness surrounding me.


Maybe this is because I have never lost someone I truly love and know well to death, so I simply cannot empathize with Sam because I do not have any idea what he is going through. The closest to grief I have felt is depression, but I still do not know how to respond to Sam's grief because my depression has been so self-focused, rather than the other-focus that grief entails.


Beyond feeling helpless in supporting Sam, I feel ashamed that while he is going through such a trial, I am experiencing my familiar anxieties after returning home from a girls' weekend with Emily in California. I feel so selfish that I am concerned about myself at such a time. My fears and sadness are so shallow in comparison, and yet they are still banging around in my head. I think I need to do some art this evening so I can process some of what I am going through in order to be a better support for Sam...

Beauty Forecast? Really?!

I was just surfing reddit and found a link to a blog on a feminist website discussing news that The Weather Channel has now launched a Five-Day Beauty Forecast: a weather forecast aimed at women that includes how the weather in the upcoming days will affect their hair and/or skin. The blogger commenting on this new forecasting feature was frustrated that this application was aimed only at women when she knew of men who were just as concerned about how their appearance is affected by the weather. Furthermore, she noted that there are women who are smart enough to know how the weather affects their hair and skin. Though I understand this position, I also think that it is not addressing the deeper sentiment that this forecasting option sets forth. 


With this new feature, The Weather Channel promotes the idea that the most important thing in women's lives is or should be how their beauty will fare over the course of a day. I do my best to place less focus on my appearance each day because I have spent too much of my life trying to live up to society's ever-out-of-reach beauty standard. I tried shrinking my body and wearing more makeup because the messages I received were that being thin and beautiful were the only ways you were worthy of love. Though I now know, at least logically, that this is not true, I still struggle to believe this with messages everywhere I go telling me to be smaller, better, smoother, prettier... I had hoped that reading up on the weather would be one place I would not have to fight to maintain a sense of self not tied to physical appearance. I guess I am going to have to keep my guard up no matter which websites I browse.