Sunshine

Whenever the sun comes out, I feel like a completely different person. I am happier and feel lighter - as if a giant burden has been lifted from my back. For anyone that lives in Seattle, at least those of you who don't particularly like the gray, rainy weather that is so abundant here, this probably rings true for you. As soon as the sun starts shining, everyone here is friendlier and the world seems to be on your side. Since the sun has arrived here the last few days, my disposition has brightened and I find life less complicated.

The weather is not the only factor affecting my mood lately, though. I have also been working on changing my perspective on life. For so long, I have tried to meet some arbitrary societal standard - of beauty, happiness, professional status, everything really - and living life this way has left me miserable. I constantly dream of transporting myself somewhere, anywhere but here, thinking that something as simple as a change of scenery would make me satisfied with my life. I read Eat, Pray, Love, by Elizabeth Gilbert (as if you didn't know!), and became even more obsessed with the idea of leaving home for a new and fantastic lang. But, having traveled to Europe more than once, I knew that leaving home did not make my problems disappear. I recall sitting in a Parisian cafe sipping a cafe au lait and nibbling on an eclair, feeling like I had a personal cloud following me wherever I went and raining atop my very unhappy head. I never thought anyone could be sad in such a magnificent city, but it is possible. So, though I still long to travel, I reel myself back in from unchecked daydreams with the understanding that, in order to truly be happy, I have to learn to live with myself and - gasp! - be happy with that person, right where she is. 

Knowing this, however, is completely different from actively working toward enjoying myself and my life as it is. I recently watched the film The Women (a remake of a 1930's film about women coming into their own) and decided to follow in the steps of Meg Ryan's character and make my own "vision board." I hesitate to write "vision board" because it conjures up images of The Secret and I think, on some level, that is a bull shit theory that discounts all personal will. I do, however, think that if you have reminders on a poster of the things - or states of being - you want, you are more likely to work toward them because the board is a constant reminder of what you want and that you should pursue these goals. So, last week, I made my first "vision board" and pasted pictures and words detailing the things I want. 

My board is rather sparse at the moment, but it does contain meaningful things that I hope to achieve. Having created this visual reminder of my desires (and having placed it next to my vanity mirror so I can refresh my memory every morning before work), I have found myself looking at life very differently. It helps me focus more on creating a life that is meaningful to me, rather than one that is meaningful to others in my life or to greater society. It has been incredible seeing how different a simple outlook change can affect my mood. It has only been a week, but I feel immensely more satisfied with my life than I had been before.

This is not to say that pasting pictures and words on a board will "fix" my life once and for all. I am sure, just as the sun comes and goes in Seattle, my current satisfied state-of-mind will fade and re-emerge. But this board is a good step toward a more satisfying life and I intend to keep it around for awhile, weather or not the weather cooperates.